Why should i bother dating
Suddenly, as frustrating as it seems, my client has a paradigm – a framework of what to expect out of dating. So if you’re going to date online and think that you’re going to find true love in your first 30 day trial, think again. And coming to the conclusion after a bunch of frustrating dates that you should give up entirely is simply false. Your dream partner may be going through a divorce right now. You bother because the only way to find love is to go on dates with strangers. For my client, her big takeaway was that she needs to stop measuring results the way she measures results at school or work. Yet tonight, all she could tell me was how sad she was. If we extrapolate further, of the 10% of the guys she’s open to, half of them will not be into her, and half of them will be into her. So now we’ve established that 1 out of 20 guys is boyfriend-eligible. A few will show consistency and want to be exclusive with you. You never, ever, ever know what’s in store for you.This means that, even if we want to ask her out, a good chance may never present itself.Let’s say we made it this far: the girl we asked said yes. Because while a psychologist can keep on asking questions: “How does that make you feel? We’ve been talking for 11 weeks now, and I am astounded at how far she’s come. But since she does have high standards, only 10% of men will be eligible. It just means that due to her smaller dating pool, it will take her more time than it takes other women. It’s no different than being a shrink perhaps, but one of my clients, who IS a shrink, thinks I’ve got the tougher job. Working with her has been a pure joy for me, as I am witness to her spectacular growth on a week-by-week basis. If she didn’t have such high standards, she might be satisfied by the cute, boring guys she just passed up.
Planning can be extremely stressful because we want this date to be successful so badly.
This was the same numbers type of logic that I used last year when I went on a large number of dates.
Logically, if I went on 10 dates, even though I screened them to meet my standards and they had a high interest level and so forth, only 1 of them would be second date-worthy.
And on that second date, about half would be third date-worthy. And even then, it takes a bit longer than that to determine if someone is relationship-worthy. When I went on my 55th date, I got a lot of ‘the one’ vibes from our first date.
Our second date I got even more ‘the one’ vibes (and a really good kiss at the end of that date).
As long as you’re working at it and doing all that you can, good things will come your way.