Dating a band member rules
No one else will do this for you because they simply won’t think about the fact that you have needs. Knowing what you are willing and not willing to do means you won’t end up feeling resentful.
It’s not about you—it’s about the band and the show. Things like driving band members to and from the airport, running for coffees during soundcheck, packing up after the show while the band are schmoozing (crucial if you want to get out of there faster) can all become sources of resentment if you don’t do them with an open heart and attitude of helpfulness. I’m lucky in that, for the most part, I do love all of the musicians my husband plays with; they are stellar individuals.
Realize that fans are shameless and many of them have no qualms about interrupting you and your dude at anytime—for example, while having a drink together, or just about to start eating a meal that you’ve been served in a restaurant.
Fans are very important and hey, they help pay your rent, so you need to be gracious even when you feel like tellling them to piss off, which you frequently will.
By the time you do finally go for the post-show hang, you are close to melting down because you haven’t eaten for hours, you’re exhausted, and you really need a few minutes to connect and feel the love with your guy.This can be lonely and difficult and you will be the one holding down the fort at home. This means that your guy won’t always be able to be there for you in the ways you’d like. Understand there are times when the stresses of the road are too consuming, and dealing with your need for support is more than he can handle. Again, don’t make this mean that your dude doesn’t love you; it’s different than that. I particularly haven’t always been able to remain gracious and smiling at times when it would have been optimal.On the plus side, you get to have lots of time for yourself to pursue your own creative endeavors. It’s helpful for you to have some friends that you can turn to at such times. I know you probably want to, at least for the first five years! If he’s a successful musician, he is driven by his art and his drive to share that passion and he needs public recognition of his talent and hard work. The more you can support it, the more juice you’ll get back. But the rewards of sharing your life with a musician are huge. Obviously you love music, otherwise you’d never have connected with the muso. It infuses our lives with joy, beauty, nuance and depth.I’ve been doing this for eight years now and have learned a few things along the way. The best way you can support your man is by looking after yourself (at the appropriate time) so that you can be the smiling goddess he wants you to be.The last thing he needs is someone else to take care of.
You may be selling merch’ after the show and here, smiling is very important.